Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
