I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
