I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize