Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
