Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
