I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
