At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
