i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize