worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
