Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
