I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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