why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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