just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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