People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
