Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
