If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
