somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
