Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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