I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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