When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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