a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
