theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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