I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
