Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
