Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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