yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
