he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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