Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
