'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
