her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
