i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
