I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
