I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
