So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
