Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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