I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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