Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
