Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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