He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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