i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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