why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
