how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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