I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We're too hungover to prance.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
