Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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