I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
