how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
