I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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