so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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