i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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