I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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