Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize