i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
