This dress was meant to end up on your floor
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize