Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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