I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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