i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
