No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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