Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
