remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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