That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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