i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
