Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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