Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
