People in love make me want to vomit
It's just like the Real World with babies
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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