I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
