My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
