dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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