Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize