I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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