"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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