$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
