i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
