you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
