I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize