K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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