my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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