Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize