Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
