I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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