hotel room ftw
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
