she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize