You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
