Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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