I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
