Yo dont text me then not text me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
