i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
