i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
