Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
