We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize