Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
