You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
