how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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