You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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