I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
