They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
